I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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