you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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