What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
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I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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