She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
