shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
bring money and cleavage
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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