I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
