he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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