Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
