i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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