I faked an abortion last night.
i think i have two assholes
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
