dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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