im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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