you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
