My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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