mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
