I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
