If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize