I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
