Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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