How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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