if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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