I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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