dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
