I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
