I feel great
I just peed on a car
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
