dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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