4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
