seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
