I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
do nipples grow back?
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