I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
