I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
