Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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