do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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