Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
