let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
