my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
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