Don't you send me to vm
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
