He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
