I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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