i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
