How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
