I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
