I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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