I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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