She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Found the puke drawer
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
