Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
