He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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