i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
