so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
