I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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