dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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