I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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