Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
