Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
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Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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