did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
