i love accidental penises.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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