He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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