Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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