ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
