I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
