no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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