so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
