Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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