Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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