I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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