Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
