I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
