Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
