my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
