Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
