Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
