I could have mohawked her pubes.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
