theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
