I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
