we're chasing vodka with high fives
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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