I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
