i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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