I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
