so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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