i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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