he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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