Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
