he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
