A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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