should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
